Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Hey Warner Bros. I have an idea!

So today I went to see SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL.  I should probably mention here that I never go to the movies so don't think that my great idea is to become a movie reviewer.  It's not.

Now I generally don't like going for 5 reasons:
1. Movie theatres are cold. Like sub-zero.  My huzzie and I almost froze to death watching that Pirates of the Caribbean movie.  The irony is not lost on me.
2.  There's loud, and then there's just being an asshole.
3. This magna cum laude HD/3D thing makes me feel like I can see the people acting.  Suddenly you're all  "Hey I have that same IKEA lamp in my apartment!"
4. (Related to #3) Every once in a while I see a bug in the shot and I'm like "Damn, they have FLIES on KRYPTON???
5. The bump on the headrest, like on an airplane, is in EXACTLY the wrong spot.  Double chins yo.  (I don't really blame movies for this one.  More my gene pool).

My huzzie on the other hand is a super fan.  In fact he's one of those people that goes to movies by himself in the middle of the day.  He thinks it's Don Draper.  I think it's Archie Bunker.  Whatevs.  But, ya know, on occasion (so he doesn't leave me for those dreamy pre-teens wooing him with acne), I indulge him.  Today was one of those days.

As usual I was being my annoying self.  I wore a sweater.  I carried a blanket.  I brought a a thermos full of tea.  Some rhubarb cake.  I was trying to miss the previews. 


Anyways, it was awesome.  Here's what I liked:
1.  The guy really looks like #Superman.  Like A SUPER MAN.  This helped with problem #1 above.
2.  I'm really digging this whole "Superheros are just like you and me" trend.  OF COURSE he needs a special suit!! All his people clothes were being destroyed dammit!  Someone cc The Hulk!   
The Hulk could really use a suit.
3.  The whole thing looked like it was shot through an #Instagram filter.
4.  It was deep.

But, here's what I didn't like:
1. Do we really need 43 minutes of 143 to be of Superman punching people who aren't really hurt by Superman punches?  How about 27 minutes of people shooting bullets at people not harmed by being shot?  Sigh.
2. There was a 4 year old sitting next to me.  Really??? (see above).
3. #2 through 4 above above.

So I had an idea!  When they release these blockbusters, why don't they release a sort of SUPERMAN: MAN OF REALLY HARD BUT NOT AS HARD AS STEEL version!.  Like same movie, just lite.  Quieter.  Gentler.  Warmer.  Shorter.  (But maybe more shorties!) NAILED IT!

Or would it only be me and YOUR MOM there?

1 comment:

  1. I also like to watch movies in the middle of the day by myself.